Tipei-Nui (Island of Hope)

[Rekky]

Foreword
I have finally improved my literature to the point of minimal cheesyness and trivialness. If you'd like to compare my current form of writing with my previous, feel free to go to the previous pages in the Creative Outlet forum. Initially, I was inspired to write this fan-fiction after watching the three Bionicle movies. The great feeling of the music and character development in LoMN was enough to get me going to try and come up with a good enough fan-fiction. Then, I thought, I could create my own island of Mata-Nui (or at least close to it) and start off with my very own characters and create new cultures. I would be in control of my own Bionicle storyline-of everything that happens. But you know how far-fetched that is for a person like me, so it might not be much.

A change in story. It turns out Mata-Nui has the mind of Makuta Teridax and so I must make a few changes to the plot I now have.

[DEATH PANDA]

On topic however, you need to make it different from other things once it gets underway. it still sounds a little typical.

Try a jacked-up hyperactive Turaga who gets around in a customised mech most of the time and cusses.


Filtered content pertaining to other posts that were removed-Imatron

[Rekky]

Oct 30, 2008 13:59:20 GMT -5 DEATH PANDA said:

Oct 30, 2008 8:45:11 GMT -5 Rekky said:

I'm sorry, but what is it do you have against Ga-Tipei when there isn't any information about it yet? And what do you mean by 'bizzaches'?

Good job with the writing quality, maybe now you should work on understanding slang and on increasing your ability to tell if a person's trying to tell a joke (that last one should help in increasing your resistance to getting "butthurt").

To understand the slang Captin's used... Remove "izza".

On topic however, you need to make it different from other things once it gets underway. it still sounds a little typical.

Try a jacked-up hyperactive Turaga who gets around in a customised mech most of the time and cusses.

I feel that most people would have found what you sent to me as insultive. Why don't you try saying it to a random stranger who you don't know in real life. The only difference is that the person will be able to see your face and be able to take action on it. I thought and still think of what you said as an insult. Whether you did mean it as a joke, it was still rude nonetheless.

And I am not trying to make a comedy with random sentences that are hardly hilarious. I'm also wondering wat these 'other' things are that I need to change? I did say (if you would mind to read the foreword) that what I am writing is probably corny but minimally. Or by typical did you mean ordinary, uninteresting, and noob-like for someone who just started to write properly?

Also, would you care to evaluate why 'a jacked-up hyperactive Turaga who gets around in a customised mech most of the time and cusses' would have any resemblance to the theme of this story? I don't see anything funny in it because that would be the last thing I would write in the story. I think that this is supposed to be something more serious.

I've also had enough of being annoyed to many extents by certain people just because they say something that they think is harmless while in fact, doesn't really make the person they say it to very comfortable. I hope that you can understand that if you do want to say something to me, I ask you not to speak in your usual 'slang', your presumebly harmless jokes or any other form of unfavourable things you might say.

[Rekky]

Chapter 1
Nuhkiva

Nuhkiva rested her paradigm on her craft table. It was a hobby of hers to carve models of people she met, Rahi she encountered, and all of it was from her own experiences, truly inspiring her. She examined the paradigm, careful not to miss any flaws that she had carelessly made. When she was satisfied that there was nothing wrong with it, she placed the paradigm of a Muaka cat on a shelf next to the many other models she had carved out.

“My best so far,” she said happily to herself. She looked again at her many models and once again, as always, Nuhkiva was lost in dreams. She wondered what her next masterpiece would be. From where should she get her inspiration from. Nuhkiva thought long and hard. She already had made enough miniature-sized carvings, so now was the time for something big. Not an ordinary statue, one made single-handedly. A self-made statue-she agreed-but of what?

For a while, the stream of thoughts continued, but was cut off by the howls of a herd of Kikanalo. Distinct at first, the sounds became louder. Nuhkiva went out of her hut to inspect, bringing a lightstone along with her.

The Po-Matoran didn’t live in villages like the others. Po-Matoran preferred to live scattered across the region, free to do whatever they see fit. The only time one would see them in a crowd was at the Po-Tipei bazaar, which stretched along the outskirts of Ta-Tipei.

Outside, Nuhkiva raised her lightstone in the direction of the sound of the Kikanalo herds’ rampaging footsteps. The lightstone pierced through the darkness but didn’t illuminate far enough before it was too late. Thousands of Kikanalo rushed towards Nuhkiva. Their urgent haste caused their feet to stomp on the ground hard, shaking the earth violently and nearly throwing Nuhkiva off her feet.

Nuhkiva was never a fast-thinking Matoran. The calm and silent outdoors and the long thoughts she was used to doing when conducting her latest masterpiece had made her reactions incredibly sloppy. Regardless, Nuhkiva tried her best to dodge. At first, she was stunned for a couple of seconds by the unbelievable sight before her. Never in her life had he noted the possibility that she would die from being trampled by Rahi. Nuhkiva snapped into reality and threw herself to the side. She barely made it, for a Kikanalo hit her in the left shoulder, jarring it. She was sent sprawling into her hut.

It was hard for Nuhkiva to ignore the pain. Her shoulder felt as if it were about to tear right off of the torso. She lay motionless, eyes closed but even as she wished it, she couldn’t faint. It could have been the shock, or the incredible pain that was prickling at her shoulder, or maybe it was because of her struggle to figure out what happened. She couldn’t consider the facts…at least, not now. The pain was starting to get so immense that Nuhkiva worried her arm may not function anymore. Sudden numbness would be a sign, she thought. Lying there and feighning death, the only thing that had distracted Nuhkiva was the constant feeling of the shaking ground. She then realised that her hearing had become muted since no howls or loud stomps were heard. The vibrations from the Kikanalo’s rapid footsteps seemed to rack through her head with each step. A diziness started to come over her and slowly, it worsened. After Nuhkiva could not stand it any longer, she gave in. She felt the darkness seep into her mind, pushing aside all the pain until she was in a sleep with no dreams, for once in her life.

Nuhkiva woke the next day with a terrible ache in her shoulder. She spent a few moments trying to test her arm. She swung it around a few times. The jolt of pain that hit her made her jump to her feet and wince a few times. Nuhkiva smiled. Her arm was sore and hurt whenever it moved, but at least it could still ‘move’.

Nuhkiva picked up the lightstone on the floor from the previous night when she passed out. With the sun up, the lightstone seemed to have a very faint glow. She placed it on her bed and went out of her hut to see the aftermath of the Kikanalo rampage. The sight before her was a peculiar one. Not only were the Kikanalo a herd, but they weren’t exactly a herd either. Their footsteps were scattered all around the barren dessert in almost every direction except for the one which they came from. Kikanalo would never separate from each other unless searching for food. They even stayed together when escaping harm. Whatever that could have made them spread out in an action of panic must have scared the Rahi out of them. Assuming they are Rahi, thought Nuhkiva.

While she knew it, Nuhkiva checked anyway. She went behind her hut and as she had expected, her Ussal crab was nowhere to be found. It was obvious that last night’s events was so horrifying, it might have even unnerved a Makuta. Nuhkiva looked into the horizon. The sun was coming up, and not a single thing in sight. The Kikanalo had disappeared and wherever they ended up was a mystery, but it wasn’t Kikanalo she was looking for. Nuhkiva was looking for a ride which she could ride to Ta-Tipei to inform Turaga Dulka of the bizarre behaviour of the Kikanalo.

Nuhkiva shrugged with her right shoulder and walked in direction of the main road close by, perpendicular of the direction to Ta-Tipei. To travel in the hot sun to Ta-Tipei which was probably kios away without even a single drop of water would be practically suicide. Beginning from the journey, Nuhkiva continued to think up ideas for the statue of which the ideas that had stopped so abruptly during the previous night. The ideas formed around in her head and connected together to create grander ideas which connected together again to become genius ones.

Another thought, but unrelated to the statue popped into her mind. When would she travel the island? Could she travel the world? Nuhkiva didn’t doubt that the other Tipeis had much more wonders than of those in Po-Tipei, and even more outside the island itself. There could be many different Rahi never discovered, heroes that are to be remembered, or simple things that would intrigue Nuhkiva. After all, thought Nuhkiva. Inspiration is everywhere, even in a rock.

Note: There will be six small chapters introducing each Matoran. Then I shall try to make longer chapters.

[DEATH PANDA]

Rekky, I swear, you write good. This is very professional-like.

BUT CAN YOU KINDLY PLEASE NOT GET SO PISSY WHEN I TRY TO HELP YOU WITH LERNIN2INTERNET?

Also... 6 Matoran, becoming Toa, an Island with six districts, a monster/villian beneath it... Come on, this is too similiar to existing BIONICLE storyline(s), down to the choice of elements used. The "jacked up hyperactive foul-mouthed Turaga in a mech" was only a suggestion for spicing it up- and it wasn't a wrong one either, considering that BIONICLE has it's fair share of insane characters (Vezon, Karzahni) and of course, there's the BOXOR.

But if you insist, could you at least delve into some topics BIONICLE left untouched? Such as physical gestures Matoran make with each other's masks or to their own? Maybe even epithets or expletives used by or for certain types of Matoran?

Gung, I think I'll have a try at that.

As Mazda the Po-Matoran returned to his hut from the stone quarry, he felt the earth move a little... "Quake?" he thought... then nothing more happened. He continued, and the earth moved again, a little louder this time. He paused. "Again?" he said to himself. He catches a glint in his eye and looks down at his feet- there is a widget. "Oh! Lucky!" he thinks, and stoops to pick it up. Then, the ground around him erupts with force, sending him flying into the air, screaming and then he falls to the ground with a thud- Then he gets up and looks around. Standing around him were a bunch of Onu-Matoran miners. Their shift had just ended and they were bored, so they decided to play a prank on whoever passed by- they then proceeded to smear Mazda with paint and ran off laughing. A now multicoloured Mazda gets up and runs towards them tapping his forehead rapidly- a very rude Matoran gesture reserved by Matoran only for the most annoying people you could ever have the displeasure of coming accross. He screams "You earthworms! Get back here!" but it was useless- the paint was drying and the Onu-Matoran had become little black dots on the horizon. Mazda turns around and walks in the direction of his hut, saying "If I see those cladding miners one more time..."


...

[Rekky]

>_>

Like I said, I got inspiration from the Bionicle storyline itself. But, I never said these Matoran were to be Toa at all. As far as I know, there wasn't a super-being searching for any items for mad conquest in the original Bionicle storyline.

Sure the story is mainly inspired partly by the island of Mata-Nui but that was because I missed those days. Nostalgia am I not right?

I know that Matoran turning to Toa then defeating the evil is just like something coming out of LoMN. But that is only a possibility, and not a probability.

...

I'm writing during midnight and I'm tired as h*** so I'll take your advice and try to give a few big twists in the plot. And as for the gesture stuff, maybe that would be a little strange.

[Ria]

Oh, I thought you had gone to pastures new Rekky. Anyway this fic looks promising.

[Kokua aviatrix]

I agree, it's shaping up very well and I'm certainly looking forward to the next chapter.

[Ria]

As do I. Kokua mind explaining "save the sheep, clone the whales"?

[Imatron]

Less useful content and posts removed, left one of the posts pertaining to the stuff for reference since you addressed it Rekky.

[Rekky]

Thanks Immy. =D

Well, my exams have ended. I'm writing a different story at the same time I'm writing this. I'll get the second chapter up as soon as possible.